Diary of D #5: Job Seeking is Hard

Seriously

I've had numerous occasions where I'd go to a website and apply for a job as listed on it. Plenty of times applied, plenty of times rejected. Personally, I've faced plenty of problems regarding this experience. There are far too many companies out there that seek for loyalty and trust, but when I really get to think about it, it's more of a problematic facade. After all, even with further prospect of getting accepted into the position available, I'm still a jobseeker who is yet to be accepted.

There's some kind of dissonance here; it seems to me that companies and their loyal and trusted people expect job seekers to place their mental condition as if they're already a part of the successful company without acknowledging that it hasn't even happened. It's quite disheartening to experience this. It does feel manipulative, in a way, though I'm not going to start accusing or blaming some parties yet. More and more these days it feels harder to just live as a person in a nation.

Maybe it has something to do with my own unrealized passion. You see, I sing. I write songs. If possible, music is the only thing that I really want to make. However, that is its own problem, especially in my case where I have no knowledge on how to even start a career in this field. I know, find a manager, start networking, upload the contents, don't give up!, etc., but it's really easier to say than to actually do it.

Realistically, I want to give up. Perhaps I have, a long time ago. However, a part of me that's still so innocently stubborn wants to keep at it. It's killing me that I lack the means to get to where I want, to be the one whom I know I can be. It doesn't help that nobody seems to actually trust my vision or my, well, anything really. I'm sad. I know that it's not helpful to be sad, but I am very much feeling it at the moment. Anyway, hopefully a miracle happens. God Bless you, all!

Love, Daud.

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