Diary of D, #1: Hi!

 I'm back

Good evening everyone! It's currently eleven p.m. here in Jakarta, Indonesia, and I've just finished my test. What test you may ask? Well, a job test of course! So here's my situation: I had graduated with a bachelor's degree in Political Science back in September of 2020, went back to East Jakarta from Medan, have been living with my parents since then and...voila! Nothing else! Imagine my frustration. Too intense.

Anyway, I've been seeking and applying for various jobs since March (maybe April) of 2021. It's been no use so far, and I think I know why, because my experience is minuscule. I mean, I pretty much had no other activities during college because all I knew about was studying nonstop. So, that's what I did. Until I didn't. I need to tell you how infuriating it was to be unable to contact my lecturer as I was making my final paper. It was so bad, definitely don't want to experience it again. My lecturer wasn't a bad person by any means; Mr. Lecturer was quite rad. Honestly, it wasn't about him.

It was about his schedules.

So, yeah. There was so much postponement because of his crowded and tight schedules that I begun postponing my own schedules! Should've never done it, I know, but it had happened. What can I do about it now? I was simply trying to reclaim a part of me which longed for freedom. I was yearning for it. Being a college/university student was a lot more than I could take. God honest truth is that I was too young. I know that I look old (<>_<>") but I'm actually younger than people around my age. When I say around, I mean it. There was only a few people who were also born in the year 1998 back in uni. Everyone seemed to be at least a year older than me.

I suppose that's why I always look forward to do new things now. I want to compensate for my wasted time in uni. I want to get and have a job, wanna travel the country, meet new people, etc. However, not everything must go our ways am I right? I mean, I'm still here. Breathing in my parents' house, sleeping in a room that's not even supposed to be my own. It's my younger brother's room! No bed frame, only two mattresses on top of each other. By the way, my brother currently studies across the sea. It sounds dramatic, I guess, but it's a big deal. He's in his late tens now and ongoing adulthood. I hope it won't be as tough as what I'm experiencing now.

There have been plenty of times where I thought to myself that I have to go. I have to run away from here. Maybe I can run, running up that hill. Make a deal with God. All that shenanigans. I really like Kate Bush, she's pretty rad! Like Mr. Lecturer back in uni, only he didn't make music like Kate. I know that recently the song, A Deal with God, has been gaining more popularity because of the Stranger Things TV series. I've never watched the series, I mean I didn't even know how to watch it! I don't have Netflix in this house. Heck, this house hasn't had a TV since 2020 apparently. It broke, so my parents, the geniuses that they were, put it in a garbage can and said sayonara! Adios, TV!

Also, yes, it's A Deal with God. Kate herself hath believeth it to be, who am I to believeth otherwise?

Anyway, one thing about me that most people haven't much is that I love to sing. Seriously, I love singing! It's a therapeutic method for me now. I suppose I can understand whenever artists/musicians/singers say that music = therapy it really is. I used to love singing because, well, I have a voice so why not? Now, it's different. I had gone through puberty many years ago, so my voice had lost most of its range. I still sound like a girl sometimes but I can definitely sound a bit more manly now. My lower register is there and it's much reliable than the higher one. It's good!

I wanted, want, and will always want to be a singer. A recording artist. I mean, can you image the collapse? It could be good! My parents said the opposite, though. I chalked their indifference up to our ongoing economic stagnant. It's been nowhere to be found. Economy where, money where? Rise up, economy, so we can see and maybe hold you for little while. I don't know if I have to be "the son" that they said they've always wanted me to be or just be me, myself, but being myself seemingly sees no progress so...

I'm f'd. Either way, I guess. :'(

Hope is strong, though. By no means am I surrendering to fate. I don't know fate that much anyway! One thing that I have to do is staying alive. I must stay alive to be able to persevere through these times. I'm convinced that I'll be somebody someday. I may not become super wealthy or anything like that, but I know that I can be successful. I just have to understand how to do it. How to access chances. How to mobilize myself. How to make it happen. My dreams of becoming someone noteworthy of praise without having to resort to compliance. I want to breakaway; nothing shall break me.

So, here's hopping (hehe, get it? It's the year of the bunny!) forward to a greater part of my life. A future I can freely desire. No brutality or violence, no irrational fears, no more solitary living. I welcome the new years ahead of me with a new smile etched upon my tan face. My self upcoming, greatness belonging! ^_^